What I have learned about myself now that I am 40 in 7 days.

What I have learned about myself:

1. I have the capability to love deeply and to be very loyal.
2. I have moments of complete confidence in myself and yet have moments of absolute doubt in my abilities.
3. I have a big mouth. Although I have been working on thinking before I speak, it has been tough. I really need to work on this.
4. I can always improve my listening skills. I am really working on trying to get better at this. It truly comes down to focus and not allowing myself to get distracted.
5. I am pretty damaged. I have been hurt emotionally in the past, and I have come to realize that certain sad/negative feelings pour over me when I least expect it. This is bad. This has been a wake-up call for me, though, and I am not going to ignore it. 
6. I can lose weight pretty easily once I get into the mode. I lost 100lbs over 2 years and feel good that I can do that. It is hard to keep it off, but am trying new ways to do that. Mostly exercise and no fast food. 
7. I have a very open mind and can change if needed if I see a real issue with a former belief I hold. I am not set in my ways. 
8. I really enjoy being supportive. I really enjoy giving advice when asked, providing help when needed and just chatting.
9. I sometimes feel terrible and hopeless. This is just depression that I deal with as a sickness. My faith has helped me deal with this. 
10. I don't like change much. I like structure a lot. I love the idea of stability. 
11. I want a close family. 
12. I don't want to live alone the rest of my life. I'd much rather be with my love and be married.

What I have learned about life so far:

1. There is a god and he is not me.
2. My way is not usually the best way.
3. For me, life without God in it is empty and hopeless and I can't be the person I want to be without his spirit in my heart.
4. Sometimes we get a second chance at happiness. If we do we better not blow it. There might not be a third chance.
5. Love, friends, and family are the most important things in life and should always top our priorities over other things.
6. Your true friends will always be there for you.
7. Things will never turn out exactly the way you want.
8. Work hard and you will eat.
9. Eat right and exercise you'll stay in shape. Start this early in life.
10. Get an education and do what you love.
11. Don't get angry easily. Just breathe... 
12. Don't be surprised when bad things happen. Just think, "What can I learn from this?"
13. Don't worry. Life is too short for that. Just hope for the best and be at your best
14. If you're doing something stupid, just stop. Really, just stop.
15. Try and be optimistic. No one likes a complainer or a negative person. 

Life is tough:

If I had known what I know now during certain times in my past where life was being turned upside down, I would have not felt as terrible as I did then. It often makes me wonder why life seems to be one storm after another. We learn from the storms, we are sometimes irrevocably damaged by them yet they continue. The plan if any seems sometimes vague and random. Will there ever be some kind of feeling of stability and contentment? I hope. I feel like at this point in my life that feeling of contentment is closer then ever but I get the feeling that as soon as I grasp on to it that it will slip away.


I will be 40 years old in 7 days. Yes, 40. The one thing I have learned is, "Don't get too comfortable." Once you do, everything will be turned upside down again for the better or the worst. Of course, as a Christian, we always have Romans 8:28, "All things work for the good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose."  I think of this one often. This one is a catch all for issues good or bad. So, no matter what happens you can always say. "Well, all things that happen will turn out for the good eventually". I would agree, as I have seen it personally. But sometimes the wait is a real pain.


As I sit here in my desk chair writing this, I think of the great joy of all the wonderful things I have in my life right now.  I have wonderful kids who are smart, good hearted and bright. I have a beautiful, sweet, and loving fiancée who I love with all of my heart.  I have a decent job, car, apartment etc. I am also in the best shape of my life.
I am between storms at the moment, and the restful peace is great. I really needed it, and while I can see potential storms brewing on the horizon, I am watchful and prepared as much as I can be. I hope that next time a big storm hits I can handle it as someone who survived big ones in the past, and with the fore-knowledge that there will be calm again.